The same yet different.

Yesterday I turned 21. For two of my friends it was the anniversary of our friendship. Next week is the beginning of my final college year. Summer is ending. It’s a time to reflect for me and I came across this the other day - my final journal in my IDS class my freshmen year. It still remains true on many accounts, and yet has changed some. 

Journal entry: 

Driving the ten hours away from home was something that I was not looking forward to. The thing I was looking forward to was college - the freedom that all teenagers desire. When I pulled into the parking lot and checked into my dorm, my first thoughts about college were naive and stupid. I thought college would be the party of my life, and I would not have to deal with that nagging mother of mine back home. I was wrong. 

College has taught me so much about who I am as a person and what it is I want to do with my life. Not only have I discovered the buff in me at WT but I have discovered what it exactly means to be Tyler Sweeney. Aside from learning that I cannot handle the cold or late night trips to Waffle House with a group of friends just before my seven am class is not a good idea, I have learned what it is that I actually value in life: honesty, compassion, and just living in the little moments that life throws at us. Through my new found friends and family here at WT and in Canyon, I have come to notice the importance of honesty. Whether it is in relationships or school assignments I find that honesty still serves as the best policy. Compassion from others is something else that I have found to be rare in life. When I see a kid fall down and their papers fly everywhere I try and help them out. Whenever I see someone enter a door after me, I hold it open for them. It is acts such as those that I find so rare today and that I value in another person. Living in the moment is another thing that should not be taken for granted. Those times when my friends get together and just watch TV together on a bed are those that I look around at the group and feel most at home. I think these are the people who are my family; these are the people that I want to be around. 

When I started college, I thought the world was in one set way and that’s how we have to life. I thought I knew who I was and where I wanted to go in life. I was wrong. College has opened my eyes, in the sense that that I am now more open minded, and respectful to those around me. I now find myself not judging those that enter into the building as I had before. I not longer hold those pre cognitive ideas about the person sitting next to me in class. If there is any opinions or beliefs that I would like to change about myself it would be that I think too little of myself. When I came to college I lacked the confidence in myself to succeed in whatever I do. Today, I still feel this way somewhat. I am this nerdy, lanky kid at heart and I feel that I am inadequate to compete with the best of the best. As time has gone on I have realized that I can compete with the best and excel in whatever it is that I do. My career goals have stayed the same in that I want to be a news anchor. My academic goals, however, have changed. I am no longer willing to settle for the least amount that I can do and am currently pushing myself like I have never done so before. I am currently getting more involved in school and my friendships than I have ever before in my life. Those ten hours that I drove to start a new life in college and in Canyon have become the best decision that I have made so far in my life. I am moving forward to a better place and like the direction that I am heading in. I hope to continue to grow as a person and discover exactly who it is I am. 

Said and done

This past Tuesday I finished my first internship ever with Nobox Creative. It was a very bittersweet feeling to leave there knowing that I wasn’t going to be walking into the finely decorated office with my own desk and working with social media for the clients they have. I know I’ve mentioned the importance of interning and the cool projects I have done with Nobox, but it’s been way more than that. 

I’ve made real world contacts in a field that I want to head into - media. I’ve learned so much about social media and the impacts it can have on a company, it really can make or break a brand. I’ve found out how an office place works and what all goes into every aspect of an ad agency. 

My time spent at Nobox will be greatly missed, but the information I’ve learned, not only about myself, but about the advertising and media world altogether will be taken with me. I’ve discovered that I have a witty writing style and that I can harness that when it comes to copy writing. 

It is always sad to say goodbye, but I also know that I will be rooting for Nobox whenever I see their ads or the team out and about. It has always been stressed to us, whether that be at conventions or by our elders, to intern intern intern. I never fully understood why or what exactly that meant until I did so. So thanks to the Nobox team and all that they have done. 

What’s next

Ok so if you have been following my blogs, I’ve been posting about my journal entries while in Cambodia and a little bit after (throw in some TOMS shoes stuff in there as well). Well, it’s official that I have now transcribed all of my journals onto this blog. So, now what? 

Well as I encounter people and life lessons I will post those stories here. It won’t become the daily blog that it has been, but it will continue. I have an internship at Nobox Creative (an ad agency) in Amarillo, TX that I’m sure will come up. I also work as a Peer Leader this summer for orientations at West Texas A&M University, so I’m sure that will make an appearance as well. I’m the general manager of KWTS The One 91.1 so that will pop up. Most importantly the lessons I took from Cambodia, my life goals, and just random stories should be prominent. 

I’m still working on the Cambodia documentary. I’m getting behind, but I will be working on a lot of editing this summer. I plan on finishing that up before the Fall Semester. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself with my travel experiences. I know I’m a strong caring person. I know that I can overcome a lot of obstacles in my life. Things are going well for me, the ups and downs are what makes me who I am. These I will share as well. 

This will be the place I document where I grow and share. I am a firm believer in constantly improving yourself no matter what ground you are standing on. So to be continued…

Update

April 16, 2011: 

Well so far so good. I have only a tape and a half left to capture left for the documentary. I’ve been using the Live Crew camera and it seems to work just fine. I know I’ll be working on this all Summer. 

The group has formed our plan for the town hall. We are going to present chronologically and hit on the topics of those days. If there was a certain topic that someone was attached to we put them on that day. Since, I left to Vegas (to present at BEA) I haven’t really gotten an update on who is doing what yet. 

Several things have happened since my last entry. We had a shack-a-thon on Wednesday which I heard went well and was interesting. I shot post interviews about Cambodia on Thursday with the ambassadors. It was good to see everyone. I used my comforter as the background and shot in the HD studio. Ricky asked them questions I had writien in order that they would explain things more to someone who didn’t go on the trip. Ricky seemed to really enjoy hearing their stories. Even though they got really behind, I think I got all that I needed. Bay Leaves wasn’t able to come to the interview because their bus didn’t show up. I was sad, because I know that they would have articulated well. 

I’ve started my own blog on tumblr (you are here now) where I have been posting my journals and where I’ll talk about life in general too. I’m excited about this endevour. 

With my time in Vegas, I feel really out of the group socially. Sage is a peer leader now after one of the others resigned! I’m pumped to have another Kruesa member join that team. 

The TOMS big stuff is coming soon. I feel overwhelmed by all the projects, but I know I will pull through. This semester has pushed me so much and I know it’s just going to increase as finals role around. 

To be honest, I feel lonely today. It’s not that I don’t have friends or anyone to hangout with, it’s I just feel distant today. I can’t really explain the feeling. I hope it goes away. I don’t want to lose Cambodia and all it has given me; I need to go back mentally for a bit and remember what it was like being there and what I learned. 

In Vegas, we took a look at “the tunnel people“ Essentially it was homeless people who live in the tunnels under Vegas, because the city has grown and their is no other place to live. They have created their own sort of world. Anyway I did not want to go. It was poverty tourism - saying look where there poor people live. I see the reasoning behind it - to expose how Vegas has kept all this hush and to help the homeless, but do they want help? Will bringing more attention to them bring more people there to gawk? Where is the balance of helping and making them an animal in a zoo. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t mad about the event. I was mad at the situation. It made me realize how little I know about the world and how I want to help. 

Vegas Baby

April 10, 2011: 

Today I’m on my wat to Vegas. A different kind of trip. I’m presenting at a national conference for the Broadcasting Education Association (BEA). This is a great opportunity for me. I can’t help but to hink back to a month ago when I left to Cambodia. I had a complete different set of goals. The travel took much longer. It was out of the country. 

This trip doesn’t have all the gloss and glit, but nonetheless it still is travel. I have a definition for travel now. I feel like it’s important to do so. It allows you to view so much more in life. You experience what you have read and seen. Stick your feet in the ground and be a part of something. 

My life has changed for Cambodia. Not outwardly so much but inwardly. Yesterday, Pepper was going to give a homeless man money and I thought about voting with your money and said “don’t vote for it” out loud. Pepper replied with “you can keep that to yourself.” I was hurt by that. One of the few people that wanted to hear what I had been through in detail turned my learnings away. Cast my thoughts out the window with the money he wanted to shuck out to the bum. 

Then I thought, ok maybe he is right. As much as I want to change others, you can only do so much. The end result is a change within myself. Improving how I think and feel. Pepper wasn’t there. Pepper didn’t see the Cambodian children begging. That was me. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still taking what I learned and sharing it, I just feel there is only so much you can do before you have to move on and say “I’m ok with that.” 

Organizations

April 5, 2011: 

It’s been awhile since I journaled. So far the Cambodians have presented at the social justice conference, adjusted to coming back, and set the date for our town hall: 4/26/11. A lot has happened. We’ve talked about what it has been like coming back and how we all feel family. At the social justice conference, Garlic and Parsley presented and it was good! This presentation was strictly related to media dna how you should research what is put out there. 

Pepper and Dill brought in a painting for us to express how we feel. It’s been a collaborative effort so far, but looks cool with a tree, an elephant, a river and more. I added part of the “Don’t ask what the world needs” quote in there. 

I think the group is a littler nervous to present, because of how to address the Somaly Mam shelter issue, but I feel like we can pull through. It was brought up when we had our ambassador lunch-in (with past ambassadors and we handled it well!) We plan on telling the truth about it, but making sure we don’t portray her sotry badly and point out Somaly’s purpose is to raise awareness. 

Our group has also talked about what organizations are good ones and what ones aren’t. TOMS got brought up a lot. I told them I found out that they aren’t the best but they aren’t the worst either. (see other blog) They take away from the local economy by bringing in shoes and allow people to come on shoe drops - increasing poverty tourism. 

Ginger made the point that not every group is going to be perfect and at what point do you say “that I’m ok with that.” This trip has made us question every charity - which isn’t really a bad thing. 

I think I’m going to continue to support TOMS and their efforts. I found out I’m going to be Blake Mycoskie’s (CEO of TOMS) personal assistant the day that he gets here! Super pumped! 

So far only one tape has been captured for the documentary. There have been several issues with faulty equipment, but I think I have the ball rolling now. I know the story I want to tell is that of how the trip manifested itself into something completely different than what I thought. I scheduled interviews with the ambassadors for 4/14. This should be good. Anyway, it’s late. Time for bed. 

Being Back

March 23, 2011: 

Well being back is weird. I feel like the foreigner here. Like Bay Leaves said it’s like returning to your old elementary school where things seemed to fit better, but looking now your too big and this place isn’t for you. I felt so apathetic in class. Don’t get me wrong, I value education and everything. It was the assignments, the meaningless tasks that got to me. I just have to look at things in the grand scheme of the world. 

Everyone wants to know how was it, but I can’t give them everything in a text or over 30 seconds. Last night Pepper and I went to Olive Garden and I took them through the trip using my journal, which was helpful. Pepper seemed to absorb all I was saying and that was good. 

We had our first Cambodia class today and it’s amazing how much I missed these guys and it’s been a day. I really do consider them my family. Saffron went to the E.R. after the trip. They are ok now, they just passed out at home - they think from exhaustion. 

It has been tough getting in the flow of things again. School work, and projects to start. People to see and my story to share. I’m excited to start capturing and working on the documentary! I have to book my flight to Vegas soon for that conference. It’s amazing how much I miss Cambodia. I can’t get what I learned and heard out of my head. 

Parting remarks

March 19, 2011: 

#1

I’m sitting in the Phenom Pehn airport. It’s over. The trip is done - except for the 41 hours of travel in 24 hours. I don’t want to leave. I have fallen in love with a country that I knew nothing about. We have a six hour flight, nine hour layover, 12 hour flight to L.A., 3 hour layover, 3 hour flight to Dallas, 6 hour drive to Canyon.* 

We had an interesting day. It was basically all reflection. We set goals for our lives, talked about what we would be bringing back with us, and reflected on the travel. I had discovered that I’m a caring compassionate loving person and why I matter is because I care. I care for my friends. I care for my family. I care to better the world and myself. I simply care.

I have learned so much these past few days. I know to research where my money goes. That I can vote with my money. I need to improve myself and the world around me and not far away. Not to just leave my money but to make sure that it impacts in a beneficial way. I’ve learned that even with differences and hardships I can find common ground with anyone. I really want to live abroad somewhere for awhile and make a difference there. This trip has impacted me so much. I’d say I accomplished all of the goals I have set out to do. I know I will take Cambodia with me. 

Daniela admitted to us some things about why we never visited the Somaly Mam shelters. She said that she did research, because she wanted to know where her money/time went to. She spoke to people who had worked there and who had known the foundation and found out it wasn’t exactly what it was portrayed to be. She said that the money wasn’t being used in the right places after being donated. That when an organization becomes large sometimes it gets corrupted. That the celebrity status has changed it and that it has become so donor driven and corrupt because of that. Daniela said that Somaly was aware of what was going on and that it shouldn’t take away from her story or what she tried to do. Daniela also said that not all the girls are trafficked in her shelters and that because of that the girls that are brought in are put into a form of trafficking. I as long as the rest of the group was shocked. None of us wanted to believe it. It got our group to think about her visit to our school and how she brought one of the victims with her. It totally makes sense now why that was done. It was a tactic. A play to get more donors. As if to say “look at the good I do.” You should never had to showcase that. Your work should be known. Daniela also pointed our that orphanages that are corrupt in Cambodia just allow you to walk in to the place and visit. We were going to the same thing with Somaly Mam - just walk in. No screening. No advice on how to interact, just to look and see what was being done. 

*this isn’t exactly how our trip home went. Our flight was canceled in L.A. so we had to book another flight from L.A. to Denver, CO and then rechart a bus from Denver back to Canyon. It felt like the LONGEST ride home ever. 

Better than before

March 18, 2011: 

#2: 

We walked our bikes to a women’s shop to get fixed and started throwing around another Frisbee. The women’s son fixing the bike was so sweet, he helped customers for her and eventually joined in with the Frisbee playing. Once again Frisbees bringing hope and joy - there might be an idea for an organization there. 

Anyway after Garlic’s bike was fixed we went to our tour guides home. I was absolutely blown away at the love that he had and how his neighbors all worked together. He had a gorgeous little girl who prayed and bowed as we entered. She was so adorable as she knew English words and smiled. They are so happy to have so little. I complain about things so much. His wife dusted off our bench and gave us cold water. He talked about how the community came together and helped a poor family out. He called everyone his great neighbors. 

We went across the road to his neighbors who made rice wine. They all said we looked beautiful - we just biked and sweat from an hour through the dirt - I knew we didn’t look beautiful. This just really opened up my eyes and completely put things into perspective for me. The rice wine tasted strong, but it was funny because they fed the pig wine all day so they would sleep and wouldn’t dig up the gardens. We got back from the ride and felt uplifted. 

On our way to dinner, I rode with Fran from the other school (faculty) whom complimented me really nicely. She said that everyday she saw my eyes light up more and more. That I was a person who had my morals and values in place but was open to change. That I would adjust to the good, but let the bad roll off my shoulder. Man, I was really thankful for that statement. It really made me happy inside and I respect Fran for saying that. 

Dinner was at a nice buffet. I hadn’t eaten that much since we had arrived here. Everything as so good! The day was also cooler from some rain that had occurred the previous day so yay us! 

Tonight was on our own in the night market. The T tette and Chili went out again. I spend my last dollars for a little Buddha. It was cool to see the lights and the shops. There were times when we had to stop for Chili because they kept wandering off. Eventually Chili went off with another group. 

Today was a great experience overall. Kruesa time was just a review of the day and some ideas if any about what we would do when we got back. This led into Bay Leaves into opening up about how they had a troubled past. They had attempted some things that would have ended their life. And that this trip saved them. This trip allowed them to look past what they had done. It was a very touching moment. Bay Leaves also talked about how today in the Buddhist blessing that they found God. Among the chanting, the spraying of the holy water, and being with monks, they found God. It was an amazing thing to hear. 

I was a little shocked. I’m the peer leader - I’m supposed to pick up on these things. Bay Leaves is legit. I love Bay Leaves. I also opened up to the group by talking about Nutmeg and Vanilla and them not being my friend. They didn’t tell me goodbye before I left. My fear of losing friends from this trip had come true. I said “I may have lost friends, but I gained a Kruesa.” 

Tomorrow is the last day in Cambodia. I’m super bittersweet, but it’s super late and time for bed. 

The day before we leave

March 18, 2011:

#1: 

Today we had a great day! I’ve been so busy, I’m mad that I didn’t have time to journal. At breakfast I realized that I don’t want to leave. Tomorrow we head home, and I’m going to cling on. I want to come back, I want to stay. 

We headed to a Buddhist temple for a blessing. Before we got there Garlic* ran into a little problem. We won’t mention what it is on here, but it involved some other students and made Garlic very upset. I grabbed Garlic and told them that they reminded me so much of myself. That Garlic’s a perfectionist and wears their heart on their sleeve. Garlic reacted to that and opened up to me and just asked if they were wrong for thinking the way that they did. I said no that I completely agree with how they felt and but that they couldn’t let it ruin their day. Garlic had to push through. 

At the temple and blessing some of the girls didn’t go up to the monks to receive the red prayer bracelet. They had an issue with it being not Christianity but they grasped the concept of the philosophy and had a talk on the ride back with Daniella about that issue. They basically acknowledged that although it was a different religion they could respect the beliefs and honor that way of life. 

After the prayer and temple, we went to the silk farm. It was fantastic to see the silk worms and just see how it was all made. The women were amazing. How they knew how to thread the cloth and can work so fast was mind boggling. It was nice to see that even though they had not been paid that well, it still was a good job to them. They had an income. I bought a silk pillow case for Pepper. It’s blue with some cool flowers on it. I’m thankful that God put Pepper in my life. They have been a moral compass and a best friend. 

The ride to lunch was Daniella, Parsley, Sage and I. We talked about religion from this morning and then about voting with our money to the proper organizations. Making sure the impacts are real. 

After lunch, we went to PEPY’s headquarters. It was really enlightening to see their staff at work and just hear from Daniella about how PEPY. formed. I bought a t-shirt with Daniella’s favorite quote on it that said “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and then do and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” It means to better yourself before you change the world. Follow your heart and passion and change the bad where you are. When you change yourself you are changing the world. 

We split up into groups for afternoon activities. Some went to the markets, others went to the land mine museum, and my group did a bike ride. The bike ride was suh-weet! My bike broke down right off the bat, but our tour guide switched me bikes - I felt embarrassed. It was awe-inspiring to see Cambodia this way. We saw a different Siem Riep and saw the poverty biking through the markets and the area. We were told that the people living along the river were being forced to move because they litter in the river and to protect it they are moving without the government giving them a new home. It was tough to hear, but I can see both sides of the story - the people and the environment. As we trekked through the rural area, Garlic’s bike got a flat tire. In the end I’m thankful it did. 

To be continued…

*all names have been changed for privacy

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